6 December 2011

CHELSEA 3 (Drogba 3, Ramires 22, Drogba 76)

Fraud Drogba fell over Barragan, got up, turned him inside out then swept a shot past Alves. Victor Ruiz was slow to cut out a through ball and Ramires ran outside him to kill of Valencia's hopes. Mata slipped a ball between Valencia's centrebacks and Drogba poked in his 2nd.

Attendance : 41,109
Assists : Mata, Drogba, Mata

GENK 1 (Vossen 30)
LEVERKUSEN 1 (Derdiyok 79)

Vossen stunned the Germans with a brilliant low volley from Dugary's inswinging cross. Derdiyok equalised from an almost identical position.

Leverkusen could have got top spot with a win. They should be ashamed of themselves.

Attendance : 18,000
Assists : Dugary, Sam

OLYMPIAKOS 3 (Djebbour 16, Torrijos 36, Modesto 89)
ARSENAL 1 (Benayoun 57)

Wenger gave Olympiakos a helped hand by fielding the hopeless Fabianski. He got caught in no man's land, not to be confused with the porn movies of the same name though he did leave Debbour with a gaping hole. He was replaced by Mannone who ran out of the box to head out a cross and flapped embarrassingly as Torrijos sent the ball over his head. Benayoun pulled a goal back with a magnificent right foot volley but Modesto seemingly put Olympiakos into the last 16, they celebrated as such but cruelly someone forgot to tell them Marseille had scored 2 minutes earlier.

Attendance : 32,000
Assists : n/a, n/a, Chamakh, n/a

DORTMUND 2 (Blaszczykowski 23, Hummels 32 Pen)
MARSEILLE 3 (Remy 49, Ayew 85, Valbuena 87)

Blaszczykowski, what a stupid name, fired in a loose ball. M'Bia kicked Kehl in the face when attempting to overhead kick clear a cross. Kehl couldn't continue and the subsequent penalty wasn't punishment enough. After Amalfitano's crossing drew Marseille level Valbuena cut in from the left, cut through Piszczek and Gundogan with an exquisite dragback then whipped a shot under the crossbar.

Attendance : 65,000
Assists : Lewandowski, Kehl (won pen), Amalfitano, Amalfitano (ck), Traore


Attendance : 34,000
Assists : n/a

SHAKHTAR DONETSK 2 (Adriano 62, Seleznyov 78)

Willian played in Shevchuk with a reverse pass and Adriano flicked home his center. Fernandinho floored Pardo with a punishing shot from distance, Seleznyov controlled and scored the rebound.

Attendance : 21,000
Assists : Shevchuk, n/a

VIKTORIA PLZEN 2 (Bystron 89, Duris 93)
MILAN 2 (Pato 47, Robinho 49)

Pato picked the pocket of a Cisovsky as he tried to clear a Robinho flick on, rounded the 'keeper and tapped into an empty net. The second goal was similar. Cisovsky should have cleared a longball but Robinho intercepted, played a one-two with Pato and this time managed to keep his shot under the bar. The fuck up that is Bonera was largely at fault for both of Viktoria's goals. Mexes played the full 90+ minutes as did 19 year old full back De Sciglio though unfortunately for him he plays on the right and Abate has that spot covered for the next 5+ years.

Attendance : 19,000
Assists : Robinho, Pato, Bakos, Cisovsky

BARCELONA 4 (Roberto 35, Montoya 60, Pedro 63, Pedro 88)

After some intricate passing broke down at the final hurdle, Roberto fired low past Gutor. Montoya smashed in the second from Cuenca's through pass and Pedro scored the pick of the goals with a lovely angled back heal. Cuenca completed his graduation from the Barcelona academy by diving to win the penalty.

Attendance : 37,374
Assists : n/a, Cuenca, Cuenca, Cuenca (won pen)