4 December 2012

DINAMO ZAGREB 1 (Krstanovic 95 Pen)
DYNAMO KIEV 1 (Yarmolenko 46)

Yarmolenko scored with a superb shot from the edge of the box but he cost his side a healthy win bonus when he sent Krstanovic hurtling through the snow for the last second penalty.

Attendance : 3,500
Assists : Garmash, n/a

PSG 2 (Thiago Silva 29, Lavezzi 61)
PORTO 1 (Martinez 33)

Thiago Silva met a Maxwell free kick with a bullet header. Fellow centreback Alex lazily ball watched Martinez, who was standing next to him, attack Danilo's cross to equalise. Shameful defending. Porto's comedy goalkeeper Helton fumbled a tame Lavezzi shot to give first place to the French.

Attendance : 40,000
Assists : Maxwell (fk), Danilo, Menez

MONTPELLIER 1 (Herrera 59)
SCHALKE 1 (Howedes 56)

Metzelder headed down a Holtby free kick and Howedes headed in the ball at the back post. The home side were level just three minutes later when Schalke failed to defend a deep cross and Herrera scored at the second attempt.

Attendance : 23,142
Assists : Metzelder, n/a

OLYMPIAKOS 2 (Maniatis 64, Mitroglou 73)
ARSENAL 1 (Rosicky 38)

Earth, Wind & Fire danced around the Greek back-line (don't we all?) before pulling back a centre which Rosicky smashed into the bottom left corner. Great goal. Fortunately were sparred the travesty of an Arsenal first place finish with two goals in 10 minutes. For some reason an Arsenal defender chested down a cross from an Olympiakos corner and Maniatis pounced to level. Mitroglou turned onto a Torosidis pass and whipped the ball inside the right post. Lovely goal.

Arsenal fans should enjoy the last 16 because there's a good chance they won't be back in the competition next year and once they're out, barring Wenger getting a long overdue sack, they won't be back anytime soon.

Attendance : 30,000
Assists : Gervinho, n/a, Torosidis

ZENIT 1 (Danny 35)

Attendance : 49,000
Assists : n/a

MALAGA 2 (Duda 45, Duda 61)
ANDERLECHT 2 (Jovanovic 50, Mbokani 89)

Duda scored a super goal from the edge of the box. Mbokani rode a two footed tackle (had he gone down the defender probably wouldn't have been sent off due to UEFA directives warning against red cards for Spanish sides) and Jovanovic lobbed in the rebound. Duda killed a crossfield pass before sweeping a shot past Proto. Kljestan swung a super cross around the Malaga defence and the imposing Mbokani smashed in the equaliser.

Anderlecht's goalkeeper looks like that Mexican bender Nurse from True Blood. It could be worse, he could look like Torres. Malaga have already peaked and will get whacked in the next round.

Attendance : 25,000
Assists : Fernandez, Mbokani, Buonanotte, Kljestan

DORTMUND 1 (Schieber 57)

Attendance : 62,000
Assist : Blaszczykowski

REAL MADRID 4 (Ronaldo 13, Callejon 28, Kaka' 49, Callejon 88)
AJAX 1 (Boerrigter 59)

Ronaldo sent the flat track bullies on their way from a Benzema centre. Callejon, Cojones whatever this complete nobody is called, controlled a longball and smashed a shot in off a post. Former great Kaka' scored from 25 yards. Adan did his best Casillas impression when he shit the bed on a cross and Boerrigter tapped in a consolation goal. Callejon combined with fellow jobber Morata to head in Real Madrid's fourth.

Ajax are pathetic, just pathetic. If Celtic can beat a team from Spain what's their excuse? Ok so both footballer cultures share something in common i.e. they can't defend and don't understand marking but the Dutch are generally so much bigger they should at least use that to their advantage.

I look forward to Real Madrid's impending elimination, maybe not in the last 16 but more likely in the following round, so they can return to their rinky dink championship that no one with any sense gives a shit about.

Attendance : 51,000
Assists : Benzema, Modric, Ronaldo, n/a, Morata