7 November 2012

JUVENTUS 4 (Marchisio 6, Vidal 23, Giovinco 37, Quagliarella 75)

Marchisio tapped in Juve's first from an Isla centre. Vidal tackled a defender as he delayed making a clearance and poked the ball in from an acute angle. Giovinco scored his first Champions League goal on the counter attack, whipping a right foot shot in off the left post. Quagliarella headed in the fourth via Matri from a Pirlo corner.

As routine a victory as you would expect given the level of opposition. Juve's first European win in 9 games. They need to beat Chelsea in a fortnight to make sure they avoid the embarrassment of an early exit.

Attendance : 37,165
Assists : Isla, n/a, Pirlo, Matri

CHELSEA 3 (Torres 6, Oscar 40, Moses 94)
SHAKHTAR DONTESK 2 (Willian 9, Willian 47)

Rakytskyi sold his 'keeper short on a backpass and his attempted clearance went in off the rent boy. Fernandinho skipped past Ramires, Cole, Hazard and Luiz before pulling back a centre, via a deflection, for Willian. Shakhtar's awful goalkeeper came 20 yards off his line to head clear a Mata cross, Oscar bounced the ball off his chest and from just outside the centre circle sent a lob sailing over his head and into the back of the net. Great goal. Fernandinho played a lovely ball inside the Chelsea defence to find Srna out wide and Willian tapped in his cross to equalise for a second time. Moses headed in a last second winner from a corner.

Attendance : 41,067
Assists : n/a, n/a, n/a, Srna, Mata (ck)

BAYERN MUNICH 6 (Schweinsteiger 5, Pizarro 18, Robben 23, Pizarro 28, Pizarro 33, Kroos 66)
LILLE 1 (Kalou 58)

Schweinsteiger began the rout with a brilliant free kick. I don't think I've ever seen him score a free kick. Pizarro whacked in the first of his goals from the edge of the box. Robben scored the third via a deflected free kick. Pizarro scored Bayern's fourth and the best in this week's games with a spectacular mid-air volley then combined with Lahm for his hat-trick goal. Kalou beat Neuer all ends up with a brilliant shot from the edge of the box. Lahm completed a hat-trick of assists with a pass to Kroos.

Attendance : 64,500
Assists : Schweinsteiger, n/a, n/a, Lahm, Lahm, Balmont, Lahm

VALENCIA 4 (Jonas 26, Soldado 29 Pen, Feghouli 51, Feghouli 86)
BATE BORISOV 2 (Bressan 53, Mozolevski 83)

Jonas punished sloppy control by a Bate defender to give Valencia the lead. Valencia's penalty was naturally the result of a dive. Gago got the drop on a defender dithering in possession and split the Bate defence for Feghouli's first. Bressan's free kick went straight through the legs of Valencia goalkeeper Guaita. Gago gifted the visitors a second with a mindless piece of dribbling on the edge of his box but Feghouli put paid to any hopes of a comeback when he fired home his second from a Banega (who is still wearing that ridiculous hair-band that screams Gaylord) cross.

Attendance : 38,000
Assists : n/a, Guardado (won pen), Gago, Rodinov (won fk), Rodionov, Banega

BENFICA 2 (Cardozo 55, Cardozo 69)

Cardozo headed in Melgarejo's cross then scored a terrific low volley before reminding everyone that he's one of the biggest cunts in the history of the game when he missed a penalty - just as he did against Spain in the 2010 World Cup.

Attendance : 35,675
Assists : Melgarejo, John

CELTIC 2 (Wanyama 21, Watt 83)
BARCELONA 1 (Messi 91)

Wanyama got above midget Alba to head in Mulgrew's corner. Forster had an epic game in the Celtic goal. Midget Xavi failed to deal with a goalkick straight down the middle and 18 year old striker Tony Watt ran through two defenders and as Valdes came off his line he slotted the ball into the bottom left corner. A hell of a way to mark his Champions League debut. UEFA's favourite team were given a reprieve when Mascherano escaped a red for pulling down Watt minutes later. Flat track bully Messi scored in injury time but Celtic held on to hand Barcelona their first group stage defeat in three years and first of the season.

Teams should always play route one against Barcelona. They cannot handle physicality of course the main issue is refs bow down to their diving and cheating while booking opposition players for the same thing. Barcelona are not a team that should be admired, they are despicable cheats and a chequebook club.

Attendance : 55,283
Assists : Mulgrew (ck), Forster (fk), n/a

BRAGA 1 (Alan 49 Pen)
MANCHESTER UNITED 3 (Van Persie 80, Rooney 84 Pen, Hernandez 92)

Evans checked Custodio to concede the first penalty. Beto came miles off his line to snub a counter attack so RVP sent the ball over his head. Idiot. Rooney dived to win a penalty and Hernandez scored United's third when sitting on his backside.

Same old story for United this season - good going forward, horrendous at the back and in that respect Van Persie adds nothing to the team, they are capable of scoring without him.

Attendance : 19,015
Assists : Custodio (won pen), Giggs, Rooney (won pen), n/a

CLUJ 1 (Sougou 53)
GALATASARY 3 (Yilmaz 18, Yilmaz 61, Yilmaz 74)

Yilmaz scored the first of his three goals with a superb flick header. Sougou exposed the ridiculous interpretation of the current offside rule to equalise. Kapetanos ran ahead of the Gala defence as Bastos sent in a through ball towards him but the linesman didn't blow and Sougou scored. Yilmaz restored Galatasaray's lead at the back post and completed his hat-trick with a brilliant solo goal. He turned a defender inside and out before nutmegging Felgueiras.

Attendance : 19,520
Assists : Altintop, Bastos, Altintop, Inan