9 April 2014


Garcia headed on a longball, Adrian Lopez thundered a shot against the crossbar, Villa crossed the rebound to the back post, Garcia headed across goal and Koke arrived to smash past Valdes. Barcelona were caught trying to play the ball out of defence, Koke passed out wide to Villa and he smashed another shot against the crossbar. Terrible miss. Messi wasted a good chance from Dani Alves' cross though heading isn't exactly his forte. Another longball, another flick on and another shot against the crossbar with Villa again at fault. Messi was having an equally poor match and passed up another chance.

Neymar and Xavi wasted further chances and it looked certain Atletico would pay for Villa's choking but they finished strongly as Barca ran out of ideas and failed to make a sixth consecutive semi final appearance. If the transfer ban holds we'll see how good their cantera really is. Messi ran less than Pinto.

Atletico Madrid win 2-1 on aggregate.

Attendance : 53,592
Assist : Adrian

BAYERN MUNICH 3 (Mandzukic 59, Muller 68, Robben 76)

Bayern were caught overplaying the ball (as usual), Valencia intercepted Mandzukic's backpass, Valencia beat Gotze and dropped Alaba with some fine footwork but seemed to overhit his cross however Evra arrived from deep and sent a half volley ripping into the top right corner. It has to be the best goal he's ever scored. From kick off Dante worked the ball to Ribery and after a one-two with Gotze he hung up a cross and ironically Evra couldn't prevent Mandzukic from heading past De Gea. Rooney missed an absolute sitter when unmarked in front of goal. For all Bayern's tiki taka bullshit they resorted to the old fashioned German style again for the second goal. Ribery overhit a cross to the back post, Robben gathered it and as Evra back off he fired a centre across goal for Muller, 1-2. Robben scored a fantastic third. Starting on the half way line he ran at the left side of United's defence, beat Evra with ease then accelerated past Vidic before clipping his shot against him wrong footing the one Man United player who has performed well all season - De Gea.

While I don't like Bayern's tiki taka style it's perfect against Real Madrid. Ramos and Pepe's only strong point as defenders is heading the ball. They don't have the discipline or patience to deal with movement, I'll be stunned if either of them avoid a dismissal over the two legs.

Bayern Munich win 4-2 on aggregate.

Attendance : 67,300
Assists : Valencia, Ribery, Robben, n/a

8 April 2014

DORTMUND 2 (Reus 24, Reus 37)

Piszczek supposedly handled to concede a penalty but Di Maria, who is shite, saw his weak penalty saved by weak link Weidenfeller. Pepe, another of the shit Galacticos, and under no real pressure, underhit a backpass to Casillas and Reus touched the ball past him before tapping into an empty net. Reus pounced on a mistake by Illarramendi, signed for a ludicrously over inflated free from Real Sociedad, he passed out wide to Lewandowski, his shot came back off a post and Reus thumped home the rebound.

Mkhitaryan, who was guilty of a disgraceful miss in the first leg, wasted a great through pass from Reus, having rounded Casillas and with an empty net at his mercy he shot against a post. Mkhitaryan and Grosskreutz wasted further chances. Liverpool dodged a bullet by not signing him.

Real Madrid win 3-2 on aggregate.

Attendance : 65,829
Assists : n/a, n/a

CHELSEA 2 (Schurrle 32, Ba 87)

Nothing happened for the first 30 minutes. PSG made noise about attacking pre match and then did nothing of the sort. The PSG defence went to sleep on an Ivanovic throw in and Schurrle, on for the injured Hazard, shot inside the right post after a Luiz flick on. Just as they had done last week, PSG crumbled after conceding. Cahill missed an absolute sitter after more poor set piece defending.

Schurrle hammered a shot against the underside of the crossbar following a counter attack and within minutes Oscar repeated the trick. Cavani pulled down a longball but blazed over from a tight angle. He was given another chance though this time had a clear sight on goal but shot over. Alex couldn't get enough purchase on a defensive header, Eto'o shot's was blocked, Azpilicueta's shot took a defection off Alex and fell perfectly for Demba Ba, on for Lampard, and he lobbed over Sirigu. PSG had one more late chance but Cech was equal to Marquinhos' shot.

Verratti was once again awful. I'm not sold on him. He lacks discipline and doesn't have an eye for a pass. Blankety Blank got this hopelessly wrong. Regardless of how formidable Chelsea are at home, PSG had to score. They barley made an effort. They created two clear cut chances all night. It's not good enough. Doubt Ibrahimovic would have made a difference, their midfield doesn't work.

Match is tied 3-3. Chelsea win on away goals.

Attendance : 38,080
Assists : David Luiz, n/a

2 April 2014

REAL MADRID 3 (Bale 3, Isco 27, Ronaldo 57)

Dortmund were without Lewandowski (and five others) and played like frightened children. The useless Hummels was slow to track Carvajal onto Benzema's telegraphed pass and Bale recovered from a poor first touch to poke the ball past Weidenfeller. Durm hacked away a cross but Xabi Alonso intercepted top stop a counter attack and Isco shot his deflected pass inside the left post. Cry-baby Ronaldo scored a third after Piszczek gave Modric a hospital pass.

Far too easy for Real Madrid but I'm still not convinced they're a serious threat to Bayern.

Attendance : 70,089
Assists : Carvajal, n/a, Modric

PSG 3 (Lavezzi 4, Luiz 61 og, Pastore 93)
CHELSEA 1 (Hazard 27 Pen)

Terry headed a Matuidi cross straight to Lavezzi, he bounced it off his chest and volleying past Cech. Silva tripped Oscar for the penalty and PSG lost their way. Neither Alex or Ibrahimovic (who had a poor game) could get on the end of a Lavezzi free kick but Luiz helped them out by volleying into an empty net. Pastore came on as a late sub for Lavezzi to swing the tie in PSG's favour. Cutting in from the right he dribbled in between Lampard and Terry then beat Cech at his near post.

Torres replaced Schurrle on the hour mark and Mourinho threw the useless twat under the bus in his post match interview saying he expected more of him. I expected him to suck. He didn't disappoint.

Attendance : 45,517
Assists : n/a, n/a, n/a, n/a

1 April 2014

BARCELONA 1 (Neymar 71)

Atletico were dealt a blow when Diego Costa went off on 30 minutes with a hamstring injury. His replacement surprisingly scored the opening goal. Turning away from Xavi he hit a stunning 35 yard shot which curled inside Pinto's right post. Sanchez fouled Turan as he tried to spring a counter, Busquets gave the ball to Iniesta, he played it through a big hole in the Atletico defence and Neymar turned side on before whipping a shot inside the right post. Brilliant finish.

Despite being hard to beat it's hard to see Atletico win the second leg without Diego Costa. They need the Villa of 2010 not the Villa of 2014. On the plus side in Courtois they've arguably got the best goalkeeper in the World.

Attendance : 79,941
Assists : Gabi, Iniesta

BAYERN MUNICH 1 (Schweinsteiger 67)

Those of us who had hoped to see the scummers get another pasting, and it will never get old, were desperately disappointed as Bayern played the same tedious square passing rubbish that has plagued World football over the past few years. Vidic caught the Bayern defence ball watching as he casually ran into space to head in a great Rooney corner. Mandzukic made the equaliser within four minutes of replacing Muller when he headed down a Rafinha cross for Schweinsteiger. Valencia should have been sent off for a studs up foul on Boateng but the Spanish ref bottled out showing him a second yellow. He had no such qualms on 90 minutes when he gave Schweinsteiger a second booking for tripping Rooney.

Attendance : 75,199
Red Card : Schweinsteiger 90 (Bayern Munich)

Assists : Rooney (ck), Mandzukic